As a child, I grew up within the city limits of Salina. Though I enjoyed playing with the neighbors, riding bikes with my dad around the block, and drawing with chalk on the sidewalk, my favorite place to be was on the outskirts of Jewell, Kansas. There, my mother’s parents, my grandparents, lived on the farm.
I always marveled at the chickens, cattle, hogs, and endless amounts of land. I loved jumping on the round bales with my brother and exploring the creek with my cousins. But more than anything, I enjoyed chore time with my grandpa. As I grew up and even to this day, if we are visiting the farm, I don’t miss a chore time with grandpa, morning or evening. And, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve taken on more jobs and responsibilities when helping out. Whether the work takes 15 minutes or more than an hour, I have certainly learned many lessons from my grandpa by his side or in the passenger seat of the chore truck.
There’s time to sit and chat… after the work is done.
Whenever I visit during the summer to help around the farm, feeling exhausted, hungry, and tired at the end of the day was all worth it when grandpa sat down in his recliner, sighed, and said “now I can check that off the list!” My grandpa has always been one of the most hardworking people I’ve ever met. I have learned this mindset from him: Keep your nose on the grindstone, then rest when the work is over. Grandpa ALWAYS has time and is known for lengthy conversations, lasting hours on end… as long as the work is done first. The sense of satisfaction you can get from accomplishing a long day of work is worth the exhaustion of going through it.
“The people that know, know. And the people who don’t know, it doesn’t make any difference.”
I have ALWAYS been a people pleaser. I would often talk to my grandpa about how I felt like I would let people down, disappoint them, or feel like I’m unwanted by friends. He would always respond with this original quote. Though I still try to fully understand it, it has provided me clarity exactly when I need it. The people that know who we are deep down KNOW. They love us for who we are. But those that don’t know, don’t care to know, or judge us without asking, it shouldn’t make any difference to us. No matter how difficult or how much we refuse to believe it, there are people out there that love us deeply for exactly who we are.
You can’t change anyone, but you can love them fully.
My grandpa and I ALWAYS get into life conversations, especially when driving around in the chore truck. Everything from deep, personal conversations to my grandpa asking, “So… have you met a good farm boy yet?”… I can promise he never misses this question. In one of our most recent conversations, grandpa couldn’t stress enough: “Now Abby, remember that you can’t change anyone. All you’re obligated to do is love people for who they are, but never go into a relationship thinking you can ‘fix’ anyone.” This lesson has been incredibly valuable in recent years as I experience more and more interactions where I want to “fix” because I thought it was helpful. When, inevitably, all we can do is love deeply and help however we can.
Though I could go on and on with the endless lessons I’ve learned, I wanted to share just a few. Know that hard work provides satisfaction, you are loved for who you are, and you should love others for who they are too.
Your passenger seat buddy,
Abby